Sideshow: Cruz and Bardem make a little beauty

When you were on the road Wednesday, was your visibility lousy? No, it wasn't the snow, silly. It was an advanced form of Cruz control. You were blinded by the glow of the newest pure beauty in the world - in the form of a little baby Penelvier. That's right, Academy Award-winning Spanish actors Penélope Cruz and Javier Bardem, a couple whose gorgeousness follows them like a golden spotlight, have just become parents to a no-doubt-gorgeous baby boy. No info on his weight or length or name or whether he was born with his 41-year-old daddy's 5 o'clock shadow. (I take it back - that image is too icky for a newborn.) The Spanish celebrity magazine Hola! reported that Cruz, 36, gave birth at L.A.'s Cedars Sinai Medical Center on Saturday. E! Online reported the child was born on Monday. In any event, he arrived just in time for Bardem's Academy Award nomination for his role in Biutiful. Reports said friends began suspecting the baby had arrived when Bardem didn't respond to any calls congratulating him on the nomination. Hmmm. Wonder if the baby might be named Oscar? Nah, too hot-doggish.
Cheeseburger in hospital
Singer Jimmy Buffett has been hospitalized in Australia after falling off a stage at the end of a sold-out concert. Buffett, who seems ageless but actually is 64, tumbled off in Sydney Tuesday night. Audience members said it looked as though Buffett bled after striking his head, and was unconscious for about five or 10 minutes before paramedics arrived. Said one fan, "We were told to leave the premises. No one really wanted to leave because everyone was anxious to know if he survived the fall. Everyone was pretty horrified." Well, he is OK. A message Wednesday on his website said, "As you probably already know, Jimmy had an accident while performing in Sydney last night and was taken to the hospital. The doctors say he is doing well and will be released tomorrow. . . . thank you for all of your well-wishes!" Here's hoping that come Monday, he will be all right.
Look into my eyes
There's a reason that Rep. Michele Bachmann (R., Minn.) did not look into the TV camera when she delivered her Tea Party response to President Obama's State of the Union address Tuesday night. There was a main camera. It belonged to Fox News, which used the feed along with CNN. But Bachmann looked funny to TV viewers, as if she were talking to someone else. Well, she was. A second camera was carrying her image to Tea Party-connected websites. That's the camera to which she spoke directly, full-face. Just shows how politics and media work these days. Bachmann cared more about her Web audience (and the importance of the Web for the Tea Party can't be overestimated) than about her cable-news audience.
Now, what the now-controversial (because staged) Iwo Jima photo was doing there behind Bachmann - well, we can't explain everything.
- John Timpane
Scan this!
I'm not going to argue with him. You going to argue with him? I'm not going to argue with him. Former pro wrestler and Minnesota Gov. Jesse "The Body" Ventura doesn't like his "The Body" being scanned at the airport or, presumably, anywhere else, so this week he filed a lawsuit against the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and the Transportation Security Administration. In it, Ventura, now host of truTV's Conspiracy Theory, claims that the full-body scans and pat-downs violate his constitutional right not to be subject to unreasonable search and seizure. I'm not going to seize anything from him. You going to seize anything from him? I'm not going to seize anything from him.
'Glee'-for-all
Duck or you may get strafed by the verbal heat-seeking missile that Glee creator Ryan Murphy has fired toward toward the Kings of Leon. It's part of their ongoing feud after the rockers said no to a Glee-ful request to have their song, "Use Somebody," performed on the hit Fox television musical show. Murphy is slow to forgive but ready to drop the F-bomb, which the Hollywood Reporter reports he used in discussing the Kings. "They're self-centered [expletive] . . ., and they missed the big picture." Murphy explains that the big picture is that the Kings are undermining music education in America. Nice that Murphy is a true believer in that cause, but does he really need to educate youngsters in swearing like a songful sailor in the process? Kings of Leon frontman Caleb Followill says, "The whole Glee thing is a shock to us. . . . This was never meant as a slap in the face to Glee or to music education or to fans of the show." The lesson here? Don't mess with Gleeks, or you might end up getting demoted to the Earls of Leon - and that sounds pretty lame.
Broken any hearts lately?
US Weekly reports that late-night talker Chelsea Handler broke the heart of rap star 50 Cent on the eve of the recently departed holiday season.
Citing a Source, the mag says Fiddy (born Curtis James Jackson III) wants to win back the heart of the Chelsea Lately host, with whom he was seen in romantic mode back in October. He plied her with Christmas presents, but to no avail. Chelsea "sent them back. She put a note on one that said, 'I can buy my own gifts.' " Ooh, that sounds a little flinty.
Handler and 50 Cent, both 35, recently attended the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, but US Weekly says Chelsea showed no sign of wanting the rapper back. An Eyewitness tells US that Handler is taking aim at Uma Thurman's ex, Andre Balazs, 54. A friend of Chelsea's has confirmed they are dating, US reports. "He's exactly her type."